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in : used to designate inclusion
ep : extended play
tech : tech
in·ep·tech : technology that plays
on your side - extended
We make the software that makes the world world go.

How can we make you go?
Putting the "Ooh!" in to "Product"
Ineptech is best known for our unbounded array of innovative software products. Here's a sneak peek at what we're currently working on:
  • Methster : TOR-enabled ecommerce site

  • Essayr : A social media platform for posting in MLA five paragraph essay format (Screenshot)

  • : News and commentary from a misogynist perspective

  • Langston : Compiles poetry to Java (See example)

  • Fatbutt : Belt that measures calories not burned while sitting in a cubicle

  • AirUSBnb : Helps users with spare USB cords find people in need of short-term cord rental

  • GovCoin : Traceable and taxable cryptocurrency (joint project with NSA)

  • iAbacus : Artisanal calc.exe

  • Pow! ER Point : on hold pending trademark dispute with Microsoft

  • WordwarZ : Like a MMORPG Scrabble, with pirate ships

The customer comes first. The customer is Life. Without the customer, I am nothing.
Whether you're looking for a multi-decade strategy architecture or a simple E-tune-up, our consultants are ready to catapult your business to the next quantum level of the stratosphere. Here is a small sampling of our Services offerings:

· GUID duplication
· Monotonic Haskellization
·,,, etc
· Lamp stacking
· Agilation
· Despondency injection
· SOAP slippage
· Dropped shadow retrieval
· Spline reticulation
· Prime number factorization
· Bespoke bikeshedding
· Router-rooting
· Cloud seeding
· Service-as-a-Service

Our employees are our most valued resource, and like any resource they should be aggressively hoarded
We're hiring! If you're a best-in-breed, 10x, full-stack rock star, we want to talk to you about joining our "posse". Here's what we're looking for:

Java DeveloperDevelop 15-20 Javas per dayTillamook, OR
Scrum MasterChampion agile methodologies, hunt down and eliminate remaining waterfall advocatesMilwaukie, OR
Marketing DirectorPersuade customers to like us more by almost (but not quite) lying to themTualatin, OR
Señor Database Developer¡El hacko en la base de datos muy grande!Hillsboro, OR
Product Manager IICollaborate with one other Product Manager II to produce a Product Manager III (nine month contract)Gresham, OR
Chief ArchitectFormulate vague plans about far-fetched bullshitTigard, OR
Product PwnerWork with customer advocates and dev team to totally 0wnz0r solutions deliveryGladstone, OR
QA Engineer IIIIdentify and ridicule weakest members of Dev teamLake Oswego, OR
Program ManagerEducate team about how Program Management differs from Product Management and Project ManagementHappy Valley, OR
HR AssociateEnsure compliance with Federal hiring regulations (female candidates only, slim build preferred) Beaverton, OR
Development InternSolve genuinely interesting CS problems on your own schedule and in the language of your choiceRemote, unpaid
Leadership is the spark that ignites the Tsunami of Customer Satisfaction.
Executive Team
Let's meet the Executive Team:
  • Dick Hallerson - Founder, CEO, and Vision-trepreneur©
    Dick founded this company in his garage in 2013 with a simple goal: to make enough money to repair his garage. Today, it is his combination of clear-headed business acumen and peyote-fueled technical wizardry that propels the Ineptech juggernaut. When he is not exuding innovation, Dick enjoys extreme hackeysack and freestyle dentistry.
  • Richard Coulouir - VP Development
    Richard thinks that Ruby is Groovy and XML is XM-swell! Educated in a school very near the Sorbonne, he is proficient at both programming and coding. If our development organization were a Viking slave ship, he would be the one at the front with the giant drum.
  • Rico Sala - VP Client Services
    Rico's laser-like focus on customer service oozes from his every pore and orifice. He is capable of improving ROI and delivering customer satisfaction in more than seventeen ways. So, eighteen ways. Truly, he is our "Secret Sauce".
  • Dïjklaus Chodba - Director of Quality
    "Good enough" is not in Dïjk's vocabulary, and not solely due to his poor command of English. An enthusiastic champion of ISO/IEEE software testing standard 29119, he ensures that all test cases are properly numbered and annotated prior to any product launch.
Gamers are innocent and child-like, and children love to spend money
Apparently, one of our junior developers (more of an intern, really) has been making frivolous little Android games during his lunch breaks. Here at Ineptech we cannot condone such frivolity, so naturally we launched an investigation which revealed that some of the development was done using a company laptop. So, thanks to our surprisingly thorough employment contract, we now own the rights to his work.

The game is called Word Nazi. It's not really the sort of thing we usually do here; to be honest it's rather rude, and there has been some discussion of the possibility that this may dilute our otherwise sterling brand reputation. However, what's the sense in seizing your employees' intellectual property if you can't profit from it?

I haven't played it myself, but the young man who delivers lunch from the sandwich shop and reeks of marijuana described it as, "like Taboo for assholes," which I gather he meant as a compliment. It's designed for four people and can be tried out for free, so give it a whirl if you're in to that sort of thing.
Never whistle while you're pissing
About this site
I know this will come as a shock, but Ineptech is not a real company. I was inspired to invent while staring at the "Company name" field I had to fill out when publishing my first non-free Android game, Word Nazi (a fun little dirty party game along the lines of Cards Against Humanity, which you should go download and try out by the way). "What company would publish this?" I asked myself. "A silly one," I answered. None of the products and services advertized are real either, except WordwarZ which I am totally going to make someday.

All of the stock photos are from Pixabay and AFAICT are unencumbered by licensing. All content was written by me, on my commute to my regular non-Ineptech job. The chatbot is a very slightly modified version of ELIZA. The fonts used are Judson, Special Elite, Tangerine and Varela Round. The site uses no templates or frameworks because it's more fun that way.

If you'd like to contact me, and you are not spam, you can do so by combining 'dick' and '' with an at sign between them. If you are so overwhelmed by Ineptech's vision that you cannot help but tip me a couple bucks, here is a good way to do it:
Buy me a coffeeBuy me a coffee

Thanks for choosing Ineptech!