ineptech
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in : used to designate inclusion
ep : extended play
tech : tech
in·ep·tech : technology that plays
on your side - extended
We make the software that makes the world world go.

How can we make you go?
Putting the "Ooh!" in to "Product"
Products
Ineptech is best known for our unbounded array of innovative software products. Here's a sneak peek at what we're currently working on:
  • Methster : TOR-enabled ecommerce site

  • Essayr : A social media platform for posting in MLA five paragraph essay format (Screenshot)

  • Hizabel.com : News and commentary from a misogynist perspective

  • Langston : Compiles poetry to Java (See example)

  • Fatbutt : Belt that measures calories not burned while sitting in a cubicle

  • AirUSBnb : Helps users with spare USB cords find people in need of short-term cord rental

  • GovCoin : Traceable and taxable cryptocurrency (joint project with NSA)

  • iAbacus : Artisanal calc.exe

  • Pow! ER Point : on hold pending trademark dispute with Microsoft

  • WordwarZ : Like a MMORPG Scrabble, with pirate ships

The customer comes first. The customer is Life. Without the customer, I am nothing.
Services
Whether you're looking for a multi-decade strategy architecture or a simple E-tune-up, our consultants are ready to catapult your business to the next quantum level of the stratosphere. Here is a small sampling of our Services offerings:

· GUID duplication
· Monotonic Haskellization
· ASP.net, ASP.org, ASP.edu, etc
· Lamp stacking
· Agilation
· Despondency injection
· SOAP slippage
· Dropped shadow retrieval
· Spline reticulation
· Prime number factorization
· Bespoke bikeshedding
· Router-rooting
· Cloud seeding
· Service-as-a-Service

Our employees are our most valued resource, and like any resource they should be aggressively hoarded
Careers
We're hiring! If you're a best-in-breed, 10x, full-stack rock star, we want to talk to you about joining our "posse". Here's what we're looking for:

JobDescriptionLocation
Java DeveloperDevelop 15-20 Javas per dayTillamook, OR
Scrum MasterChampion agile methodologies, hunt down and eliminate remaining waterfall advocatesMilwaukie, OR
Marketing DirectorPersuade customers to like us more by almost (but not quite) lying to themTualatin, OR
Señor Database Developer¡El hacko en la base de datos muy grande!Hillsboro, OR
Product Manager IICollaborate with one other Product Manager II to produce a Product Manager III (nine month contract)Gresham, OR
Chief ArchitectFormulate vague plans about far-fetched bullshitTigard, OR
Product PwnerWork with customer advocates and dev team to totally 0wnz0r solutions deliveryGladstone, OR
QA Engineer IIIIdentify and ridicule weakest members of Dev teamLake Oswego, OR
Program ManagerEducate team about how Program Management differs from Product Management and Project ManagementHappy Valley, OR
HR AssociateEnsure compliance with Federal hiring regulations (female candidates only, slim build preferred) Beaverton, OR
Development InternSolve genuinely interesting CS problems on your own schedule and in the language of your choiceRemote, unpaid
Leadership is the spark that ignites the Tsunami of Customer Satisfaction.
Executive Team
Let's meet the Executive Team:
  • Dick Hallerson - Founder, CEO, and Vision-trepreneur©
    Dick founded this company in his garage in 2013 with a simple goal: to make enough money to repair his garage. Today, it is his combination of clear-headed business acumen and peyote-fueled technical wizardry that propels the Ineptech juggernaut. When he is not exuding innovation, Dick enjoys extreme hackeysack and freestyle dentistry.
  • Richard Coulouir - VP Development
    Richard thinks that Ruby is Groovy and XML is XM-swell! Educated in a school very near the Sorbonne, he is proficient at both programming and coding. If our development organization were a Viking slave ship, he would be the one at the front with the giant drum.
  • Rico Sala - VP Client Services
    Rico's laser-like focus on customer service oozes from his every pore and orifice. He is capable of improving ROI and delivering customer satisfaction in more than seventeen ways. So, eighteen ways. Truly, he is our "Secret Sauce".
  • Dïjklaus Chodba - Director of Quality
    "Good enough" is not in Dïjk's vocabulary, and not solely due to his poor command of English. An enthusiastic champion of ISO/IEEE software testing standard 29119, he ensures that all test cases are properly numbered and annotated prior to any product launch.
Never whistle while you're pissing
About this site
I know this will come as a shock, but Ineptech is not a real company. I was inspired to invent it while staring at the "Company name" field I had to fill out when publishing one of my android apps. All content was written by me, on my commute to my regular non-Ineptech job. The chatbot is a very slightly modified version of ELIZA. The site uses no templates or frameworks because it's more fun that way.

If you'd like to contact me, and you are not spam, you can do so by combining 'dick' and 'ineptech.com' with an at sign between them.

Thanks for choosing Ineptech!

--Nick

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